Before long, I was scrambling

Before long, I was scrambling over the floor, trying desperately to find and touch anything at all that could deny my total solitude. I pictured myself as a defeated old dog, moaning and pitiful, shivering and isolated… I must have been going in rounds, for in no time, I felt dizzy and again crumpled into a shivering heap. For some reason, I tried to speak – if to no one, then at least to myself – but found myself letting out a chain of indiscernible sounds. It was as though my faculty for speaking had been taken away from me with the rest of the visible world. However, just hearing the gibberish coming out from myself was comfort enough; I giggled, in the crazed, self-indulgent manner that only lunatics were capable of. I am crazy, I thought. And so much the better. Only if I am crazy can I bear this sudden infliction of complete darkness.

And for how long? I found myself panicking again, trembling in unbearable, insuppressible fear. What is this? Why is this happening to me? Is this the end of the world? Am I dead? Is this the other world? Is this Hell? I started blabbering again in tongues, my hands going into spasms, my legs and body stiffened into a barely movable block of mass.

After some time – even if the concept of time no longer made any sense to me – I started thinking: that perhaps this was but a dream. A daydream, even. All of this, the solitude, the darkness, the silence, the eternity –  it’s in the mind. Right now, for sure, I must be on the train – yes, I was on the way to take the train, wasn’t I? And I must have fallen asleep, though it wasn’t quite like me to do that. Yet I must have, so that what’s happening now is unreal, while the real me continued to lead a normal life outside.

It was then that my mobile beeped. Yes – in all that unexplainable darkness, in all that painful solitude, my mobile actually sent me a signal, telling me that I was connected.


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